This involved being physically attacked by 2 members after being very publically 'disowned' by Lodro (who has now disrobed) and then placed on coventry by the ordained members, who told all residents not to speak with me whilst I remained living in the centre. Not having the financial resources to immediately move out my mental health, understandably, went downhill to the extent that I would remain in my room fantasizing about hanging myself from the scaffolding which was then surrounding the building. In short, I became clinically depressed. I continued to reside at this centre for some 8 months when only one former friend had the courage to speak with me openly. Another did in secret - scared of the consequences of being seen associating with me. All the other residents, many who had been firm friends, simply shunned me, even including on Christmas day, which I spent alone.
To give a little background to this. I had been drawn into the centre by the seeming friendliness of the residents and visitors. Whilst having an enquiring mind ( I took a BA in philosophy as a mature student) I did have some expressed questions and uncertainties about certain aspects of the NKT approach yet I felt, given the personal warmth I had experienced, I would move in and explore the faith.
I was also very deeply moved by the teachings of Gendun (now disrobed - and an Osho monk) where I would experience very positive transcendent mental states (which would albeit only last a few hours after the session). I became increasingly uneasy that the teachings at the centre were by rote and members were being asked to place their faith in something (Geshla, the center's head teacher, the ordained) and then often worked very hard in cleaning up the centre, distributing publicity etc.
Increasingly friends would come to me and talk about their disturbing experiences with members of staff and/or with aspects of how the centre was run. These comments were unsolicited yet apparently I'm a good listener and, having trained as a counsellor (person centered), knew about standing out the way and just letting people speak their truth.
One friend reported being in tears from how she'd been spoken to by the new centre manager. Another found her chaotic in her approach and was exasperated at contradictory signals. Alarmingly, a recently ordained member would arise and then regularly slag her off! These, and many other comments, I found, over time, wearing. I also had a sense of the injustice of people feeling badly treated by the administration yet not able to confront or resolve their difficulties, often out of fear of being evicted.
I've since found I can fall into the advocate role and have done so for a few people with some effectiveness.
In a group meeting at the centre, attended by the residents, staff and ordained, I had the courage to raise the issue of dissatisfactions expressed and I named the director involved. None of the people who had been complaining then spoke out and it was left that it was simply inappropriate for me to have raised the issue in such as group.
I became increasingly disillusioned with life at the centre, feel behind with my rent, and at the following meeting I was summoned from my room and, to a packed hall, the resident teacher Lodro declared I was 'no longer a member of the community and therefore he didn't have to speak to me'.
One brave soul came and sat next to me in solidarity. No one else spoke up.
At the end of the meeting all these people who had confided and bitched (for want of a better word) so much simply snubbed me. I walked, in shock, toward the main door of the building and was accosted by by two residents who literally physically attacked me, accusing me of stealing from the center (for being behind with my rent). I luckily got outside the building and raised my voice alerting people from the apartments opposite (I felt physically scared). A nun than rang the police and I was escorted from the grounds for being 'disruptive'.
A great irony is that with the exception of the people who attacked me (and a relative of theirs), and one other person (who describes herself as a Christian), ALL the people who resided at the centre and joined in the cruel coventry decree have either disrobed or simply disassociated themselves from the NKT.
The chief administrator, who many people had found difficult to deal with, herself was later simply asked to leave the centre and relocate with her child to a new area (thereby severing ties for her child from the school etc). I believe she subsequently became very angry. She has distanced herself from the centre and no longer teaches. She is a regular contributor to this site.
With the exception of Lodro, I haven't mentioned names as I don't want to detract from the plain horror of the practices of the NKT.
I have been approached to 'expose' the NKT to certain national papers but, as yet, haven't had the mental resources to do so.I do feel there is a moral imperative to alert people to what many have found to be a harmful institution.
My experience with the NKT I can only describe as a massive disillusionment with buddhism, religious institutions and, worse of all, community; also, to an extent, friendship.
A few of the people who shunned me at the center, having moved out, are now again friends. They have apologized for their behavior and said that they were simply scared to talk to me given that they faced eviction and social exclusion themselves if they did.
I've been lucky in finding a good therapist who I see weekly to deal with this stuff.
I dread replies to this mail with the trite 'it's all in your mind' mantra, or 'it was your responsibility'. These philosophical observations are often simply waved about as self evident truths whose simple pronouncement is made to excuse and condone atrocious behavior.
I speak with two people who still reside in NKT property and have some faith. I respect their perspective and would not wish to disillusion them from something I hope serves them. One is chronically depressed. The other, ordained, has mental health issues which they believe the NKT will assist.
If any of the people who placed me on coventry would care to apologize that could be potentially healing.
I would prefer not to read a lot of defensive justifications for behavior but understand that this is a (hopefully) open forum so would ultimately welcome them.
On one level of course the people in the centre were pretty lost and simply clinging to a group identity , at whatever price, to have a (short lived) sense of meaning and identity. This has been a dangerous phenomenon throughout such as recent european history.
Jungians, for explain, posit that scapegoating is a process that occurs in most groups to the extent that the impulse to scapegoat isn't addressed consciously and directly. The group can often form around Exclusion.
In advocacy, in such as speaking up for the 'underdog', I've learnt to watch my back and ensure that in the process I don't get singled out and scapegoated myself.
I've also learnt that the charisma of religious teachers is something not to put faith in.
Lodro, the great charismatic star of the NKT who'd pack halls with his witty teachings, has finally disrobed and gone off with the last resident teacher of the Bodhisattva centre - also disrobed.
Life is comic.
7 comments:
Hey Todd
You're not alone, many people over many years have received just the same kind of shit treatment by members of the NKT. I wouldn't hold out on getting an apology, at least not while any of the relevant members are still in power. I've never had apology from them.
I think Geshe-La's the real deal and his books and teachings are rare & special, although not unique to him or the NKT, but his centres are a bit like 'Animal Farm' and 'Lord of the Flies' - power easily corrupts.
I could never figure out that if he was a Buddha or highly realised why did he let it go on. Maybe its the best of a bad job, but I can't accept that as good enough. Even his own root disciples / Gen Las lie to him and break their vows - degenerate times indeed.
The big thing missing in the NKT is a more democratic approach and less hierarchy and snobbery. Buddhism for the Middle Classes.
I was there, I remember how much love and support you received even after you went into prison and how you squatted for a long time when you came out of prison, not paying rent and refusing to leave.
Basically what you are saying is that People in the NKT are not perfect and there are problems. Isnt that the same everywhere in life??
Yes we have all made mistakes in our ordinary lives and in our spiritual lives.
I would not deny you had a difficult experience but what benefit does this blog give?
Many people, including myself have been involved in the NKT for many years. I have nothing but gratitude for the NKT and love for all the people who are both in it now and have decided to leave for various reasons.
Lets be clear, all problems come from inner delusions. I myself have found it difficult to come to terms with taking responsibility for my own mind and all its faults but i continue to train to do so, so that in the future I can help others do the same.
hey sam,
your nearly there, kelsang gyatso is not the 'real deal'i am afraid, quite easy to realize once you step back and examine the situation without prejudice, thats why he let it go on, he is not this omniscient being that we are encouraged to believe in and so it was not a case of him "making the best of what was available" or indeed not a case of being unable to show his 'miracle' powers...both of these feeble excuses are commonplace.
and jo, i was there too, was actually the one that allegedly assaulted todd :-)
bet you dont feel the same about it all now eh?
the nkt is a sectarian, multi million pound cult that thrives on its 'work your way to enlightenment'method!! flourishing the nkt..not the dharma
it is dangerous and f#cks peoples heads up big time.
I was a little shocked but not entirely suprised to find this post. My son was at an NKT centre in the north of England, I will not be more specic. He was a lost soul searching for meaning, and by the time he left that place he was an emotional wreck. Becuase Michael has male pride in spades he has never been willing to confide to his mother what went on there but clearly they did not care for a person who was emotionally vulnarble leaving him mentally shipwrecked. This was seven years ago and he is just rebuilding his life now.
Lulu
I remember Todd before he went into prison for the second time for fraud and how he persuaded Lodro to write to the parole board and offer him sanctuary so he could be released earlier with his leg on a radio tag. What a self centered lump he was always taking.
This tirade is his self pitying point of view is an example of self cherishing where all others are to blame for his imagination.
I had a direct experience of emptiness by adhering to practices...who gives a shyte about the politics and drama...
I am sorry to hear about your difficult experiences. Personally my experience with the NKT and with Boshisattvs Centre has only been positive. Geshe-la's teachings have helped me turn my life around.
Unfortunately I think too many people forget that at the essence of Buddhist is the deep courage to take responsibilities for all your actions, your faults and flaws. Dharma Centres are not rehab or mental health centres, they are not half-way houses, or hostels. The people who live, attend, and teach there are (at least judging by ordinary appearances) normals humans trying to improve themselves. Some have done better than others, but it is silly to expect perfection in a imperfect world.
Geshe-la's Dharma is as pure as it comes. The fact that he has let his disciples work a lot of things out for themselves does not mean he is not an enlightened being, rather it is confirmation of the fact that we need to take responsibility for our own problems and actively use his teachings to sort them out.
Secondly, if you have faith in the teachings on emptiness you will understand that what appears to an impure mind will naturally be impure. Those with experience will see that the more you purify your mind, the more purer your world will be, whether you are in a Buddhist community or outside one.
The lesson - Geshe-la has given us the most tremendous gift. We can use it bring happiness into the lives of ourselves or others or we can not. It is up to us. It is our choice. The biggest step we have to take is learning to take total responsibility for our own spiritual paths. Just moving into a dharma centre will not cure your inner sickness. You may experience a lot kd blessings, but the only way to do it is to make sincere effort to destroy your delusions will.
It is sad that these issues from the past keep arising. But it is completely understandable given that it is human nature to attempt to blame whatever you can apart from yourself for your problems.
Some people need more than standard dharma practice to make progress in their lives. I for one have benefitted from therapy and need further help overcoming various addictions. But I do not seek to blame my troubles on the NKT, Geshe-la, or Lodro and others whose delusions got the better of them in the end. It doesnt take much imagination, being a fellow human being, to see how that might have happened.
May universal love rain supreme and may Geshe-la's precious teachings be taken to heart my many many more who need them. All I can express is deep gratitude to Geshe-la for all he has done, and pray that all those who have found the path difficult, such as myself, will find peace and respite soon. May the glorious Buddhas be with us forever.
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